My Reinvented View of Silence

I remember holding myself captive most weekends, constantly checking my phone, sending play-by-plays to a former lover because my brain couldn’t handle missing someone in private. In silence.

Back then, silence felt like punishment. A void that needed to be filled with updates, over-explaining, or just anything that might earn a reply.

The current state of communication flow is never-ending. It’s too easy to update, track, divide, and conquer someone with words.

It took me an entire year of being intentional about who I text, what I share, and how much I let spill through my fingers. And honestly, it’s made all the difference. My relationships (personal and intimate) feel cleaner. Softer. Less performative. I don’t narrate my every move just to feel seen anymore. And I feel happier because of it.

I can’t speak for the people in my life, especially the short-lived dates, but I don’t fault them.

When you stop performing availability, when you stop filling silence just to keep someone interested, a lot of people drift. Some disappear entirely. Not everyone is looking for slow and intentional. Most people want access. Constant proof. A steady stream of reassurance disguised as care and compatibility.

Early on, communication is important, don’t get me wrong. But over-communication can be just as damaging. Constant check-ins, expectations for instant replies, sharing every stray thought. It creates noise, not closeness.

Closeness in my mind begins in person and ends with“I like seeing you. wanna see me a 9th time?”